Catherine suddenly stopped walking and turned toward Vince’s room. James would be there reading or writing a story, she hoped. Maybe he would answer her questions. He knew Vince better than her, and she had confidence in James’ ability to analyze a situation objectively. Catherine hoped that what he had to say on the matter would alleviate her guilt and confusion.
The elevator took her to the eighth floor. A short way down to her left and around a corner, Catherine came to a door that was open. James was sitting at his desk reading. She waited a bit to see if he would notice her presence. Then she knocked and spoke with her voice trailing off, “Hello....”
“Oh, hi, Catherine.”
“You seem busy...”
“No, no, come on in--”
“I can come back later--”
“Come on. Si’down,” he pointed to his bed. Vince’s side seemed conspicuously tidy and clean. Catherine was sure James was responsible for that.
“How are you doing?” Catherine asked, hinting at the subject to be discussed.
“Oh, me? I’m ok, considering. How about you?”
“Well, it’s like... I don’t know how to put it really.... I, um, I feel...somehow responsible for the.... I’m having trouble saying.... trying to handle this, you know. I mean, why did he do it?” Tears welled up in her blue gray eyes as she broke down. He sat next to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t.... hey, come on. Don’t do this to yourself. You are not responsible. Nobody’s responsible for this. Vince was just...it was all too much for him. I think he felt that he was beyond help, that there wasn’t anything to look forward to,” James lifted her face gently with his hand. “Come on, Catherine. Don’t cry,” he handed her some tissue from his desk and sat back in his chair. “Where’s Steve?”
“He’s not back yet. He’s coming in tomorrow.”
“Does he know?”
“Yeah, I told him last night,” she paused to collect herself and looked around the room. “I see they haven’t cleared his things yet.”
“No, but I got a call from his brother earlier today--”
“His brother? I didn’t even know he had a brother.”
“Well, he’s gonna come by sometime this weekend, probably Saturday. I told him whenever is ok.”
“You seem to be taking this whole thing pretty well,” Catherine said somewhat impressed at his matter-of-factness. “I guess I expected this of you, which is why I am here, to get a better grasp of this...thing.”
“To be honest, I don’t know how else to act. I don’t think I have full grasp of what has happened yet, either,” James spoke calmly, adjusting his circular wire-rimmed glasses which along with his long thin features, almond-shaped Korean eyes and short-cropped hair made him resemble some Mongolian nomad. He stared out the window. “I don’t get it,” he sighed, “I mean, what makes a person do that? I don’t think I ever really knew him.”
Catherine sniffled, trying to hold back more tears, then her voice boomed, “Ah, to hell with him! Fuck him!” then she fell silent. James stared at her in astonishment. She ranted on, “You know, he probably did it thinking he could somehow survive or what a rush it would be to die by drowning.”
“Yeah,” he let out a little chuckle, “you never could tell with him. He was definitely the live-on-the-edge type,” James paused looking out the window and could almost see Vince teetering on the stone wall at Morningside Park
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